We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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