singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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