Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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