My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
