Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
