My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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