I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
