i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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