We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
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Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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