She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
