she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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