the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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