I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is Oprah even human
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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