Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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