dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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