What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
