That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
