My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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