Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
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Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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