I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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