the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
