community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
