no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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