Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
