I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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