Where is the hickey?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
