Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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