never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How does it feel to date your dad?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
