Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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