I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
