she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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