I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
