I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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