i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
