So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
