do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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