In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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