he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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