You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize