its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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