I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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