Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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