Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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