This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
