don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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