cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
