dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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