Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
