Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
