So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
