i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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