He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
