Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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