I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
