Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
