Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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