i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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