how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
