he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
