i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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