The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
