This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
