and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
