We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
