I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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