Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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