just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
