Me. At least after what I've been through.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
