I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
