I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
