Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
