RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
