I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
