I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
