Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
