batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
