How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I cut my penus on the lid.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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