Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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