I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
