plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
