I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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