Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
