That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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