My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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