Do you still have your period?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
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Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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