Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
