Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
